The Cairene

So far in my life I have lost control of myself and it scares me. I dont want to do that again. I am losing everything here even the ones whom I couldn't live without them before. I believe fervently in "What goes around comes around" That we are totally responsible &accountable for our words , actions and inaction and that there were will be a day of reckoning..all the excuses, importuning, blaming others will fall on deaf ears. No one will buy it. Each of us will stand there, alone, accountable and bereft of others to talk for us, think for us, act for us. We will have to do it on our own-sink or swim. 

Now, it is 4 am. I am sitting in front of my laptop screen; my brain is too numb to write down the words inside my head. Many things are going on there, but they just can’t come out. I put my headphones and listen to some quite music, but still I just can’t let that thing inside my mind out! It is annoying because that thing there is irritating me. I just need to know what it is and just puke it out of my head.  Is it love? No I am not in a relationship and have never been into a real one. Is it studies, no because I can focus at my studies pretty well? So who are you, or what are you. *No answer*. This is preventing me from sleeping. I am squeezing myself hard, hard and harder. I close my eyes and open it slowly as if someone is about to attack me. I feel it. Damn, it is a thought, but I don’t know what it is about. Damn, it is a thought but it is tangible. The question is still how? See, first, the questions were who and what. Now it is how? Music stops. Silence. My eyes wide o