The Cairene

To rapists: You heard her scream and blocked of your senses like you won. You didn't. You looked into her eyes and looked away immediately because you are a coward. You blamed her for what she wore and the way she covered her body thinking that the society's stupidity is your armour. Let me tell you, both, the society and you, are nothing but weak cowards who can't fight their diseases. Your mind is sick with nonsense and the only cure was you. It is late anyway, you are a villain and no sane would ever sympathise with you. I don't wish that anyone you know would get hurt. I don't wish that this would happen to your daughter or your wife or your sister or any women you know, it is not their faults. Only yours and you get to suffer for it, alone without anyone bothering because that sounds fair. To me, at least. What you have done to other women hurt me as well; not because I am woman like them, not because we have similar private body parts. It hurt me becaus

"Horreya, Horreya, Horreya." They cried as I looked up to the sky, so sure their echo reaches the watcher. And so sure he is with us. I sang along, to the songs of Freedom and Justice, and I Waited for the dawn to come with a warmer sun to warm the cold souls, and With a warmer sun, To burn those who burnt- the insides of mothers' hearts, after the dead bodies of their sons and daughters who cried and chanted and died, as I looked up to the sky; so sure that echo is blended with, gunshots and painful wails. And so sure he is within us. "Horreya, Horreya, Horreya." I sang along because I didn't need, any assurance, no more.

It has been a quite long while since I decided to write anything and I am not sure why. I have been feeling so blank and steady, in a way that I had to lie to myself about how good it is. It is not. Not a single bit. The nothingness I used to long for didn’t really feel as good as I expected. I used to have blends of feelings below my flesh and floods of hormones inside my bloodstream. I hated it back then. I lied. Or I don’t know what kind of feelings I have for it because right now, I am not feeling anything except brain blankness. Right now, there is nothing going on with my life actually, or I like to avoid getting myself into any situations or any kind of interaction that will take up lots of thoughts or self-talks. I don’t have a routine either. I just spend most of time on my own, read, watch movies or do anything that will not involve anyone. I don’t have a favourite person to share anything with and I don’t need anyone. Anyway, it is not something to be proud of. I me