The Cairene

Some things happen without a sign or a miracle. I lost all my wars and battles, and I don't know why. I feel sad, all the time, like there is nothing that ever make me smile again although I try. I fail, and I don't know why. I am always down, being grabbed deeper below by some abstract force and I don't fight myself. I don't know how. I have lost interests in all what I have always loved and I can't go back. I can't get you, nor my old self back. I won't try because I know my inner voice will say 'I don't know'. I don't know what I am writing now or what's the point, but if you are asking; here's my answer: I don't know.  I take long walks into the dark side. I like it in a way that I have never known. I am messy, emotionally numb and confused. Don't ask, we both know that I don't know.  I watch people and sank into their moves and unspoken words. I know them all, but when it comes to me saying what I saw out loud, I just...

Today, I was stuck in the middle of traffic jam in Cairo, which is not something new. I wasn’t driving though. I was just sitting at the passenger seat, letting my brain stir my thoughts and let their floods rush through my head all over again. I thought of almost everything; my sins, my family, my failure, my disappointment, people, getting attached to that person I like and the person I despise for making me hate myself that much. I started feeling anxious and I lost my breathing rhythm. Thinking is not a good idea after all, but people are worse. I don’t know why we are given that power over each other. It terrifies me and it’s probably one of those thoughts that keep me up late at night. I found myself lost in my thoughts and then, I was somewhere else. Somewhere my brain stopped the process of stirring that old thoughts and I found myself staring at the people walking by. I was looking deeply into their faces. I saw this man who was walking with a smile on his face, maybe ...