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Egyptian Journal. Part I

On a boring afternoon of a tasteless Tuesday, I decided to put on my dilapidated ivory converse and take a walk around the C-town. I wasn't so sure that I am strong enough to leave the house without a single penny, but I knew I am not powerless- not too powerful though.   I roamed around the streets, aimlessly and observed all the details, the blotted out ones, the presented ones,  and even more, I observed the nothingness. Old buildings encircled me as I walked, with the shops and retails armoring the entrance of, almost, every ageing building. The sound of shishas’ water being blown, the dices being thrown along with the aching sound cracked slow laughs of old men bring back my parents’ picture of long-gone youth into my mind. My wounds were touched as I watched these grey men play, laugh, frown and lour as if they are back to being kids again. The embarrassment threw cold breeze along my spine, yet  I caught up myself smiling every time a grizzly-headed cheered after ...

ربنا مابيسبش حد ينام من غير عشاء..ما يسبش حد ينام مش متعشي

يو م الخميس اللي فات، نزلت الزمالك كالعادة اني بنزل في اليوم دة، كان اجازة رسمية "عيد تحرير سيناء" ف الزملك كانت شوارعها فاضية لحدّ ما،علي عكس طبيعتها كل ايام الخميس. قررت اني اتمشي شوية باليافطة بدّل ما افضل قاعدة في مكاني اللي ماكنش قيه روح اوي لغياب عمّ مصطفي اللي بيجلس جمب فرشة جرايد و كتب. اتمشيت في شارع البرازيل و انا ماشية لمحت عامل من العُمّال اللي في محل الكاب-كيكز الشهير “Nola Cupcakes” بيدّي طفل صُغيّر من اطفال الشوارع قطعة كاب-كيك، و علي بُعد خطويتن تجلس امراة عجوز و تطلب من العامل انه يدّيها قطعة ليها هيَّ كمان. اقتربت و سالتني الست المُسّنة: "ايه دة؟؟ مكتوب ايه؟؟". ردّيت عليها و قُلتلها مكتوب: "لو عاوز تتكلم عن اي حاجة، انا هاسمعك". فردت قائلة: "هتسمعييني ازاي؟ معاكي ميكريفون؟؟" ابتسمت و قلتلها: "لا، انا باسمع الناس عشان اساعدهم، بس انا مش وعايا ميكريفون ولا بصوّر". فردت: "اه، حسنة يعني، ربنا يكرمك يا بنتي و يجعله في ميزان حساناتك". افتكرت موقف الكاب-كيك و سالتها "انتي عايزة واحدة؟" فردت عليّا...

Of the monster she has become.

Not acknowledging the last time she ever felt happy or how does it feel like anymore ; she let her sadness enfold her reckless soul. Her inner monsters and demons decided to sit in and curb her thoughts that she has lost control over a while ago, cracking up her self-confidence and building up mountains of insecurity inside her where she held the whole world over her shoulders. Restless and reckless she takes her bitter breath hoping that she would stop breathing soon to get rid of all the reality’s gloom. Little did she know that it never gets better or the way we wish to does as she had a weak dim flame of hope that kept fading away with every disappointment she faces.  Storms of unhealthy thoughts and melancholic emotions roamed inside her awakening her monsters as they started eating her inside up till she became empty and unwanted. Nobody accepted her the way she is, nobody wanted her nor noticed her existence which has already started questioning herself about; it...