The Cairene

Right now, I am staying in my room by my own, eating ice-cream off the family-sized jar and wondering why I am not outdoors chilling or meeting anyone who could make my life a little bit interesting. I stopped typing for a while. I am still frozen in my place like the ice-cream I am eating (it’s not really frozen), but what? I can’t think of anyone to hang out with. I am trying to re-think, but I know my brain won’t let me since it is screaming; “You will die alone, sad and alone”. But wait, won’t we all? I am not sure but I know I might. I am a sinner. I am a hopeless sinner, a bad person, a liar and a hypocrite. I don’t know what should I label myself with or if I should label myself or not, but I’d rather do it than let anyone label me. I’ve lied to people, hurt some, pushed away many and let down the rest. And before all, I have been a bad person, to myself. I looked back way too many times and I realized that the bad will always win, even though if your good was of a ...

At first: We just do mistakes, stupid mistakes. You could be knowing they will destroy you, but you keep going, or actually, you find yourself going there without feeling, you just wake up when you are at the midst of the big trouble. After it: I won't do it again. I regret that. I learnt the lesson. It won't happen again. Some sentences your head tells you, after your life is nearly shaken. And you could stay like that for weeks or months without repeating it. Again.. Your thoughts grab you..You find yourself doing it all over again. May be a new mistake, but if you though deeper, you will find that it is just the same one over and over again. You could curse yourself, hate yourself, feel ashamed and wish you are dead. But that's normal. It is not just you doing that. Everyone does that. That's life. Mistakes and Mistakes. You will never get rid of them, because it is always a brand new case everyday. No one succeeds from the start. It goes on as well.