The Cairene

In every home, the family members complete the place's ambiance of safety and warmth. Everyone has their fingerprint on the place and leaves a piece of their soul around. To me, I like to think that homes have stronger souls than humans, and that's why when a member leaves for any reason, I imagine the place and air weeping after they are gone. And it could be true because grief usually takes over and tasteless days feel longer. Happiness is usually replaced by indifference or grief, the place feels soulless and it becomes a 'house' rather than a 'home'. God gave us our souls and we give a part of us to our homes. *On a side notes, I'd like to add that home doesn't has to be a place. It could be a book, a hug, a kiss, a song, a melody, a street or poem. It's anything which you can make you feel safe. Also, I hate to break it to you, but you can't find home in people. You just can't. They will either leave and make you feel homeless, or you...

It crossed my mind that one day, I'll grow old, really old, with shaky hands, wrecked skin, grey hair, tired eyes and a face full of wrinkles and stories. The thought itself scared me that I went and look at the mirror and thought to myself: "One day, I'll look at this face again from behind my 80 year old eyes. I'll look at those picture and plead for the things I could have done but didn't, shou ld have said but decided to not to. That's going to be really heartrending". I am still scared of this painful thought.  Then it occurred to me that I might not even be there to watch my nephews, nieces, and -maybe- my kids grow old in front me, and I became more pained.  I grow up everyday, and my face is the proof. I grow up everyday, and my feelings are the reason. I age and age and age, till one day it'll strike me that I have wasted a lot and I will be too reckless to even take myself to the bathroom or have a walk to the market.  It's not just ab...

We keep needing things in lives and never get them. We keep getting getting other things in live and stop needing them. It makes us humans, but. I have been trying to think of something to write after 'but' and nothing to be jotted down. I think it's the humans' nature of wanting things or losing interest in whatever they own? We wait. We wait for many things, knowing that we are wasting hell of t ime of another things, but we wait. We wait for things we know that's not going to happen and things that we know we will never be getting; so much time wasted, but we still wait. I don't get the point of waiting because to me, the only thing worth waiting is basically a flight out of this place or for angels to take me by the hands. I wait. I'm not quite sure why we aren't so concerned about time even though it's never on our favor, but what? We wait and waste some more time. Yes, I wait for too many unrealistic things and it's not even funny. Lately, ...

For I have known how hard life is for each and everyone, especially in Egypt where we fight and battle to survive. For I have know how painful it feels to lose someone special. For I have known how stressed we all are, struggling to make a living out of something you might not be even interested in, but you just keep going because there's no other choice. For I have known how dark your soul is fo r being left alone or ignored by your world favourite person. For I have known how life is not being tender and is literally throwing all the loads on your wrecked shoulders. For I have known all the tough things I have mentioned, and all the tougher things I haven't mentioned since I haven't experienced so couldn't acknowledge its harshness, I am quite sure we all deserve to be a bit happy, or at least delighted. You don't have to be overly optimistic, but at least be a realist and don't break your back. It shouldn't be a Friday, a feast or the payment day to feel ...

We keep needing things in lives and never get them. We keep getting getting other things in live and stop needing them. It makes us humans, but. I have been trying to think of something to write after 'but' and nothing to be jotted down. I think it's the humans' nature of wanting things or losing interest in whatever they own? We wait. We wait for many things, knowing that we are wasting hell of time of another things, but we wait. We wait for things we know that's not going to happen and things that we know we will never be getting; so much time wasted, but we still wait. I don't get the point of waiting because to me, the only thing worth waiting is basically a flight out of this place or for angels to take me by the hands. I wait.  I'm not quite sure why we aren't so concerned about time even though it's never on our favor, but what? We wait and waste some more time. Yes, I wait for too many unrealistic things and it's not even funny. Lately,...

It has been too long since I last left my house to listen to people in the street. For more than two months, I wasn’t really interested in listening to anyone, especially after I have been through a lot of personal problems. I wasn’t feeling excited about helping anyone anymore. I usually had unhealthy thoughts ringing in my head and telling me that people don’t really deserve me. I used to tell myself that I can’t even hold my own sh*t together to hold others’. I simply spent most of my time alone, yet, I was still lost. I couldn’t find myself in locking up myself in my room. However, I loved solitary. I loved every moment of it and considered it precious. I searched for myself, but I still couldn’t find me. I can’t deny that I have found a huge part, but there was still a missing piece in my soul’s puzzle. I searched for it everywhere, but nothing. Until, at last, I decided to love out of my bubble. I did. I took the cardboard, left my locked room and roamed around the streets ag...

Who created the borders and countries? Why should a passport define me and my ability to move around earth? Why is everyone chasing resources like water, petrol and lands? Why do I have to say that I want to visit a country, not that nature's most beautiful spot? Why is it even hard to discover God's creations? Why are they making it like they have created the land's themselves? Why do I have to wait in long lines in front of an embassy and then get rejected? Why is everyone having wars with everyone for things they didn't even create on their own? Who give you the right to say that this country is a third world country or second or first? Why do us, humans, have to be that absurd and close-minded?  I want to discover every spot on this-almost-dead-planet before its dead. I want to cross every border and set my feet into every inch of this planet. I'd aim to discover space, but I am not that hopeful. I'd have loved to involve world peace in this post, but I ...

I don't know what's the thing with my generation and how shallow we are getting. I don't know who to blame, but I am surprised how they used to tell me at primary school that I shouldn't colour outside the lines, and guess what now? They want me to think out of the box. I still don't get it and the questions wouldn't let me fall asleep as my cheek touches the pillow.

Right now, I am lying in bed. It's a busy day and it's noisy and loud outside my room's window. Cars' horns, people coming and going, and kids playing loudly. I stared and felt tired. The view could bring one headache and unease.  I grasped for silence and inner peace while reaching to my hearing aids and decided to take them off.  The striking difference made me feel those strong goosebumps in my spine and veins.  My world. It's divine and peaceful in a way I can't describe. I knew how peace is never a simple word to describe. I knew how it's more than few actions between nations and its people. I knew Peace, the real peace that dissolved inside my inner gaps, healed my wounds and tenderly touched my scars.  In this moment, I am not hearing anything. In this moment, my world is all about silence and its non categorised levels. The good part is how it kills my inner voices and unhealthy thoughts. It's strange how the silence beats everything in my...

It has been a long while since I let out my inner bullshit on my blog. I haven't been writing anything about my own feelings, or I didn't try to put them in words, pour them out through my shaky fingertips pressing on the keyboard buttons, confused and bewildered. I am not sure of what I want exactly and I am not sure if I going to do anything about it. As for now, I am trying to put the letters next to each other to end up making any sense. I have to let it out. I need to. I need to runaway, and by running away, I don't mean from the place where I am sitting right now. It's not about home, it's not about land and it's not about this fucked up country. Those things are really small compared to all what I have inside my head. It usually feels like a whole new universe but without a sun or a moon. Light and dark comes in the form of emotions and feelings. The worst thing is that there's no time or clocks and it only hits me. It hits and grabs me along as I ...

The boy who cleans shoes and laughs.I came across this picture on Tumblr, and it made me smile. Normally, I reblog, like and flip to another picture, but this time, I didn’t do that. I found myself turning off the music I was listening to, and staring in silence into this little boy’s face. There’s something about it, something happy, yet far from the happy we all know. In his dilapidated undershirt, that is no longer white, and the old jeans, he sits there smiling like he is eating his favourite chocolate bar or candy. I stared and found no candies or chocolate; just a little boy and a man’s foot. His job is repetitive, boring and not fun for a boy at his age. He is not supposed to be doing this. He is supposed to be drawing, dancing or playing around with his friends. With his box of tools and restless, tiny body, he is cleaning peoples’ shoes for living. He is obliged to face feet everyday and clean the shoes of the customers, not caring that at some point it would be humiliat...

This is me around Zamalek, Cairo. I started this thing because of a personal experience that has inspired me a lot.  I listen to strangers talk to me about anything they want. I get the most random stories and many other touching ones. I don't promise them to find a solution to every problem I hear, but I try to help as much as I can through showing the strangers so much attention. I care enough so that they feel comfortable to open up to me. This idea has been done in many  places around the world, but never in Egypt. I decided to do it here since we know life is not easy here, and everyone is probably having heavy loads on their shoulders. I don't take all their lifts on my own chest, but I do my best to help them remove theirs. I have been doing it since 3 days, and I am glad to say that I have successfully watched many strangers walk away with a smile on their faces. That's all what matters. Point is, even if you won't solve their problems, at least you listen ...

Today, I was stuck in the middle of traffic jam in Cairo, which is not something new. I wasn’t driving though. I was just sitting at the passenger seat, letting my brain stir my thoughts and let their floods rush through my head all over again. I thought of almost everything; my sins, my family, my failure, my disappointment, people, getting attached to that person I like and the person I despise for making me hate myself that much. I started feeling anxious and I lost my breathing rhythm. Thinking is not a good idea after all, but people are worse. I don’t know why we are given that power over each other. It terrifies me and it’s probably one of those thoughts that keep me up late at night. I found myself lost in my thoughts and then, I was somewhere else. Somewhere my brain stopped the process of stirring that old thoughts and I found myself staring at the people walking by. I was looking deeply into their faces. I saw this man who was walking with a smile on his face, maybe ...

Today I dropped a plate in the Kitchen and it was broken into small pieces. Usually when I drop anything, you are left with broken pieces of different sizes. However, this is not what I am going to talk about. I was sweeping the shattered pieces of glass. It was obvious it can never be fixed, ever. I didn’t know if I swept it all, or there are other pieces that sneaked under the table or whatever. It was just some useless tiny pieces of glass that I can do nothing with but throw away. After all, it was the plate, broken but still. I know it was. Then I started to think of us, humans. How we get broken into pieces and manage to collect them all together just to survive. It’s more complicated when it comes to us. It’s not about being broken; it’s about how our pieces are all intangible but we manage to find them (maybe we don’t and would never again, but we seek them). It’s even harder that we have to fix those pieces, by ourselves. Nobody will sweep you, nobody will put you up again...

I find happiness in food, peace in books and life in death. I find smiles in pictures, pain in faces and souls in breaths. I find secrets in eyes, scars in flesh and movement in rest. I find lies in words, tears in rain, and loneliness in souls. I find power in words, weakness in voices and sadness in flesh. I find hypocrisy in feelings, knives in love and blood in ‘I love you’ I find chills in change, memories in revolutions, and fear in the enemy. I find panic in laughter, reasons in questions and answers in gazes, I find everything in black& white, and meanings in colours. I find beauty in art, God in peace, and infinity in believing. I find myself lost, home in your shoulders and warmth between your arms. I find everything in you, the right and the good, the wrong and bad. I have found you once, but not anymore.

Here’s to everyone and everything, Here’s to the odds and what we don’t know. Here’s to the pain and letting go Here’s to all cancer patients, who fought the battle till the end. Here’s to the soul, For being strong enough to stay in. Here’s to the friends, for always being there. Here’s to the kind strangers, who gave us another reason to hold on. Here’s to the music, For being there when no one was. Here’s to the tears, For making it a little better. Here’s to the books, for the journeys they took us at. Here’s to the smiles, For the unexpected dose of hope. Here’s to our flaws and insecurities for making us more humble. Here’s to the dead, for not making it to this moment. Here’s to all what I have mentioned above, and all what I haven’t. Here’s to  You , That person who’s the reason I write this. Reem Khorshid, 2nd January 2013.

We don’t control our feelings toward anyone. We just can’t undo feeling something. We get stuck in wanting something which we probably can’t have. She knows about that and maybe more, but she just can not cope or relax. It haunts her thoughts and forces her to shed tears. It bothers her how she’s clinging but with that part inside her begging her to let go. She can’t have them, yet she can’t escape them. She have to stop loving those who don’t notice her, yet she can’t stop nor hate. It freezes her mind and blow away her confidence. It built up walls of indescribable feelings inside her. Those walls of burdens are full of holes of uncertainty which she’s afraid if they fell, they would grab her down. She doesn't want her bad decisions to lead her to her downfall, but it’s not in her hands. She isn't controlling herself anymore. She’s always gone unnoticed. Maybe it helps her to give up on trying, but it doesn't help when it comes to self love....

I don’t what I want to say or how I am going to start this. Let’s agree that I will just let my fingers touch the Keyboard and the bullshit will come out eventually. *SPOILER*: I am going to just rant. If you aren't allergic to bullshit, keep reading. If you are allergic to bullshit, keep fucking reading! Falling for someone is stupid. Needing someone is awful. This ain't working but i am just expressing how I have realised that there is no such a thing called getting over someone or forgetting about them. We don’t simply forget about someone who once moved us. Some people will always own that corner of you brain no matter how fast they ran or how bad they hurt you.  It doesn't have to be about love and relationships, it’s just about human beings and their power to ruin each other.  Maybe you don’t keep wanting that person in your life, but there will be time when they start fucking up your mind and their small corner in your brain w...

I am mentally exhausted. I am broke and I don’t know if it’s because I want you or because I won’t admit it to you. I don’t want to know either. I’d wish to have you but I won’t. I’d tell you that I need you but I don’t. I can’t love you as much as I like you. I am falling but not in love and I don’t know what I am falling into which is making it more sophisticated. Yes, I want your least attention but I don’t want it because it makes me greedy while I can’t have more. I am sick of over thinking about something that will never exist. I am sick of you and your perfection in my eyes though you are so screwed and imperfect.  Your name depresses me and puts a smile on my face at the same time. But I should hold my shit together and you aren't letting me. I am stuck in the middle of liking you and not having the courage to tell you about it. I don’t know my chances but I won’t chase you. I know I will eventually hate you. I do now but I don’t. Sooner or...

At some times, you will feel that you are drowning. It’s not real, but it’s worse. Can you imagine drowning with your feet on the ground? It’s knowing what to do and not knowing how or where. It can even be more complicated that you’d think the world is conspiring against you. It happens. Life has planned this to each and everyone of us. Do you question your existence? Apparently, I do. I know I am alive because God has created us for a reason. But, it is not like I want you to keep doing this. I don’t. This is not supposed to be suicidal but why am I alive again?  Along with all of this, you will need someone to save you. You will find a lot of people and friends helping you out, doing their best to put a smile on you face, even a fake one. You’ll find out that they are trying to pour some happiness all over you. But what if your happiness is attached to someone specific? Here, you will start drowning really. You won’t ever be saved except by th...