The Cairene

I was hesitant. Always dithery and anxious about my choices. I knew the rights and wrongs, the left and right but still couldn’t decide. I waited, paused, crawled and stopped. I was always at the same place, rarely moved forward. It was safe and boring. I was jaded, by my stillness. Fear haunted me. I had to run. Fear cracked the whip for me. I ran. I didn’t get to choose and the pavements passed by me so fast. I knew a lot, saw more and lived many lives. My brain was nourished by scenes and my soul was quenched by experiences. I got tired and still kept running. I wanted to witness more and nothing else mattered. I was jaded, by life. I stopped running. And now, I am breathless, and proud, of my being.

Sitting at the quietest nook of the house with my darkest thoughts and insecurities, they are always my best companions. Embraced by the darkness and the cold breeze, listening to the saddest playlist anyone could ever create and here comes the worst part; always saved for last. The song that reminds me of the past and how every line and chorus awaken the cities lying on the outskirts of my soul. It numbs my body and stir up the liquids which protects every cell of my brain. Skip the song, Reem, just skip it. I have no idea who the other character is, but some abstract voice comes up and tells me to keep on listening. I am confused and the memory lane is passing before my mind, blinding my eyes but the past scenes and it feels like everything is happening right now. All over and over, the rush of feelings races inside the allies of my veins, it’s painful. I almost forgot where I am. Past is past but it’s not just past, it’s even more. I don’t think you can’t escape it, erase it no...

Putting on some good music which brings back lots of faces, situations and fast flashbacks, I looked into my own life and found myself bewildered, not sure if I should smile, nod or weep. The shuffle queerly knew my mood and decided to force me to listen to the songs I despise the most for some reasons I am too lazy to bring up. Self's forecast is expecting a huge storm of memories and floods of disastrous events. I am supposed to confront it and that is where suddenly I realized that the things that keep you going at times are the same things that will tear you up and watch you fall apart.

The night sent its warmth into her wounded soul, twisted mind and  over her sapless body that all her scars bled open- where the cold breeze raced with the moon's flames; Both too wildly furious.  Yet,   her scars won't let them  into her wounded soul, twisted mind or over her sapless body, because, They are too loud, even louder Than her inner voices, When all she needs is Peace of mind.

Dear Egypt,  I am so fed up and done with you. I forced myself to taste all your bittersweet hope, but I don't think I can swallow it for any longer. I don't even have enough energy to mention your flaws or traits; you are exhausting-both physically and mentally. Your oxygen is toxic and your air is the rope around my neck. Don't try to prove me wrong, you have buried a lot below your land and that's why I might be generous enough to consider you sacred. I can't blame it all on you, but there is no one else to blame. They died for you and all you offered was a sink for their blood and a graveyard for their wounded bodies. I shouldn't be putting lots of effort to even write about you, it is all pointless. It is even more pointless because I have no idea why I love you. You are confusing me because we aren't asking for too much and instead, you take more than you need. You don't need hungry or cold or bruised souls. It doesn't matter if they are dead ...

Wondering about the connection between winter and the memory lane, I had no justification for it except that the freezing weather and long nights leave us sleepless for long enough. We end up drowning in the floods of memories till we reach the rock bottom of nostalgia. As for me, my memory path is too blurry and lacks details and that's how I find myself missing the ones I have never met, feeling nostalgic to places I have never been to and humming perfectly to music I have never heard before. The worlds I made up is what make me feel warm; all alone, under the cover, I let my eyelids come down and start watching the universes beneath my skin.

بعد تطوّر الاحداث في كلية هندسة القاهرة قررت اني هاحكي كل حاجة بالتفاصيل لتوضيح الامر تماما. منذ بداية العام الدراسي و دايما كان بيكون فيه مظاهرات صغيرة عددها 100تقريبا (لم اتقن العد) داخل الجامعة تهتف ضد حكم العسكر و مؤيدة لرابعة. ماكنش بيكون فيه اي مشاكل و لا اشتباكات داخل هندسة مع العلم ان كان فيه ايام بيكون فيه برّة عند مسلّة جامعة القاهرة اشتباكات بس كانت مش بتدوم طويلا. يوم الخميس 28 نوفمبر, كان فيه وقفة كبيرة برّة عند جامعة القاهرة و كان الطلبة اللي عاملين مسيرة جوة هندسة واقفيت عند الباب الرئيسي لكلية هندسة الذي اُغلق امامهم لمنعهم من الخروج عند المسيرة الاكبر و ربما اغلقه الامن الجامعي لسلامة الطلاب لشدة الاشتباكات في الخارج. الطلبة ظلّوا يريدون فتح الباب و الخروج مع العلم ان الباب الخلفي عند مبني اعدادي كان ايضا مغلقا لموقعه جانب كمين الداخلية و دبابات الجيش المحيطة بالجامعة. تك القاء اول قنبلة غاز داخل كلية هندسة و اصدمت بمدني الادارة الموجود امام الباب الرئيسي تماما و تم القاء القنبلة الثانية و تطايرت بعيدا تماما عن مكان الطلبة المتجمعين عند الباب الرئيسي لتستقر امام...