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ATELOPHOBIA; THE FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.


We don’t control our feelings toward anyone. We just can’t undo feeling something. We get stuck in wanting something which we probably can’t have.

She knows about that and maybe more, but she just can not cope or relax. It haunts her thoughts and forces her to shed tears. It bothers her how she’s clinging but with that part inside her begging her to let go. She can’t have them, yet she can’t escape them. She have to stop loving those who don’t notice her, yet she can’t stop nor hate.

It freezes her mind and blow away her confidence. It built up walls of indescribable feelings inside her. Those walls of burdens are full of holes of uncertainty which she’s afraid if they fell, they would grab her down. She doesn't want her bad decisions to lead her to her downfall, but it’s not in her hands. She isn't controlling herself anymore.

She’s always gone unnoticed. Maybe it helps her to give up on trying, but it doesn't help when it comes to self love. She looks into the mirror and feel ashamed. Her fragile soul doesn't know if it’s her own fault, or the brain’s or the heart’s. She’s unattached from inside and every piece is scattered around her head.

She’s weak, but strong to not ask for someone’s help. She asks for it from few people but nothing changes and this is what makes her believe in all of her unhealthy thoughts built up inside her chained mind.

She knows she’s never good enough and would never be. She tried and she was being let down. People tell her that nobody gets everything, but nobody gets absolutely nothing though. She has been shaken till every beautiful thought in her head was gone. Every happy thought evaporated and all she started thinking of is her being unnoticed and not good enough for someone.

She would open up to someone. She could listen to the others. But that’s not what she wants. She doesn't even know what she really wants.

She needs something, but she never knows. She’d want someone to miss her or need her. Nobody notices her existence and nobody understands or would even try to listen. She doesn’t need anything anymore.
She stopped wanting things, but she still wants her strong self back. She won’t have it, but she won’t need it anyway.
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