The Cairene

So far in my life I have lost control of myself and it scares me. I dont want to do that again. I am losing everything here even the ones whom I couldn't live without them before. I believe fervently in "What goes around comes around" That we are totally responsible &accountable for our words , actions and inaction and that there were will be a day of reckoning..all the excuses, importuning, blaming others will fall on deaf ears. No one will buy it. Each of us will stand there, alone, accountable and bereft of others to talk for us, think for us, act for us. We will have to do it on our own-sink or swim. 

Now, it is 4 am. I am sitting in front of my laptop screen; my brain is too numb to write down the words inside my head. Many things are going on there, but they just can’t come out. I put my headphones and listen to some quite music, but still I just can’t let that thing inside my mind out! It is annoying because that thing there is irritating me. I just need to know what it is and just puke it out of my head.  Is it love? No I am not in a relationship and have never been into a real one. Is it studies, no because I can focus at my studies pretty well? So who are you, or what are you. *No answer*. This is preventing me from sleeping. I am squeezing myself hard, hard and harder. I close my eyes and open it slowly as if someone is about to attack me. I feel it. Damn, it is a thought, but I don’t know what it is about. Damn, it is a thought but it is tangible. The question is still how? See, first, the questions were who and what. Now it is how? Music stops. Silence. My eyes wi...

It is too weird to be here. My first year at this new school, yet my senior year too. May be I know some people, but it just feels to epic. I don't have my glasses, I am just seeing faces. I can't get to see anything through everyone's souls. Just faces and voices from their vocal cords. It is bringing me headache and I have nothing to do, nor anything to talk about with anyone. Oh, right now, first two classes ended and some people I know came, I am supposed to say some friends, but today it feels like another world, to me. I am feeling that because it is my first year here, so I call them all, just people, not friends.  Away from all of that, I am not ready to make any friendships with anyone here. A friend of mine told me that this school is just full of people who only love to talk and have long gossips about the others. So, no trust gained. I can't even look into peoples' eyes. Those I used to talk with, I just can't talk to them today, it is different...

Two days ago, everyone was talking about the third revolution 9/9. I was excited to know what is going to happen. I started to read about the revolution’s official demands, but I wasn’t sure that I will go there. Then the incident of the Ultras Ahlawy took place and twitter was full of hashtags about UA07 and Sept9. I had many point of views, one of them that I saw that the ultras have the full right to speak out their demands especially when some of them were taken to military trails by SCAF. Friday’s dawn, I tweeted about freedom “ Today is the day we will taste freedom again. We will rise and never be brought down.   #tahrir   #egypt   #change   #freedom ” but still I haven’t had decided that I will be there. I went to pray Friday’s prayer “Al Joma’aa” at a small mosque near my place. On my way back, I decided that I have to go. My minds kept giving me alerts that I must go because so and so and so. First thing came up to my mind that my parents won’t let m...

My blog on WeCanCam: Rate it here:  http://www.wecancam.net/blog/20-buying-a-dslr-camera-doesnt-make-you-a-professional-photographer.html Today, you can just log in to your Facebook account to find most of your friends  putting a picture of themselves with "their" DSLR camera,  or adding a "Photography" album, and it even reaches the limit when they put on their status “Photographing”. It is a bit fine till that part, but it freaks me out when things go out of control and people start believing in their so called "talent", which they clearly don't have! Then everyone starts making a fan page for themselves. So are they looking for fame, money, or just want to tell their friends that they have got a DSLR Camera? Until now, I cannot really decide. Funny Fact: There is a photographing contest on Facebook for portraits pictures, so I just clicked on view photos to be surprised that some people uploaded pictures for Landscapes, and others had edited the...

It was a very hot and busy day. The streets were too crowded and the people were all jaded by the weather and  the harsh mundane life.  At that day, I decided to try something different. I got into a public transportation bus with costs only 0.75 pounds, so this means it is only used by the lower and the simple class of the Egyptian society.  When I got there, I was feeling so uncomfortable and disoriented. People were trying to look at me as they were confused that I don't look poor or economically disabled to get myself into the dilemma of this crowded bus. To be honest, it was too much for me and I felt that I needed air to breath. I was feeling breathless and the smell was awful.  Out of all of these, something caught my attention and made my heart pound. I was really to proud to be one of those people, The Egyptians. They do have the kindest hearts and most generous souls even if they don't have to much to give. While the bus was going around Dokki St...

Sometimes you can have a blend of feelings inside your heart, A million pages of words that you can’t read loud, not just because it’s hard to speak up, but just because there is nobody to listen. You feel lost and left alone. It hurts you like a knife, and burns your heart like fire, you feel your mind is blown away, life is not like the clouds that walk peacefully through the blue sky, it is really beyond all the bad little things & you just have to know how to enjoy the pain…then fear comes with its strong wind, it collide with your heart and make it easy- breakable and then you lose yourself after losing control. You face all of this on your own, with no one to catch you before you fall & simply you have to believe that you are living in the middle of a world of the unknowns, and all you do is: tasting all the kinds of pain.