Questions and Faith.

I don't know about you guys, but my brain always fails me when I try to stop overthinking unhealthy thoughts. Last night was on of those nights where I had to stay up late, staring at the nothingness, and contemplate my life. I thought about life, death and the in-between. As for me, I consider the 'surviving' stage the in-between stage. It's where we basically get deprived from the act of living. It's more like breathing and getting along with the odds and unknowns because deep down, we know the God has a plan. Don't ask me about this plan because I am like you sir and you madam. I don't really know. My mind decided to shift to the last stage and it felt scary. Through out my life, I never feared death, not being an arrogant b*tch or anything, but it never occurred to me that I was scared of it. Last night, it felt eerie getting a thought about it. And I realised it was because my brain jumped into the in-between stage without passing through Life, the first stage. I tried to think of it, but I had nothing to conclude.
It's funny how at some point amidst all of these self-conversations, I realised that I should shut up because it's all nonsense.
My head whispered "Faith, faith, faith" and a wide smile stretched to my lips and reached to my eyes, tearful, I realised that I should fall asleep.

I woke up this morning and jot that line down in my Notebook because that's all what I -might- be right about.
If life is an interminable ocean, God is the shore -saviour-, and Faith is your boat.

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11 Types of Students you meet at CUFE.

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Some things happen without a sign or a miracle. I lost all my wars and battles, and I don't know why. I feel sad, all the time, like there is nothing that ever make me smile again although I try. I fail, and I don't know why. I am always down, being grabbed deeper below by some abstract force and I don't fight myself. I don't know how. I have lost interests in all what I have always loved and I can't go back. I can't get you, nor my old self back. I won't try because I know my inner voice will say 'I don't know'. I don't know what I am writing now or what's the point, but if you are asking; here's my answer: I don't know. I take long walks into the dark side. I like it in a way that I have never known. I am messy, emotionally numb and confused. Don't ask, we both know that I don't know. I watch people and sank into their moves and unspoken words. I know them all, but when it comes to me saying what I saw out loud, I just...

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