Keywords: Solitary.People. Happy. Sad.

Earlier this month, it was my friend’s birthday. I asked him about what he learnt during his folded year, I wanted him to tell me life taught him in three sentences or more. He summed it up in one word; Solitary.

We nearly analyzed this word and talked the perks of being able to live through solitary and finding blessings within.

I looked back to the moment since I crawled out of my mothers’ womb till right now. I didn’t really eye-witness the moment I was born, but I am sure I was crying like any other tiny baby during the delivery process. As babies, we are always crying, I really have no idea if it’s out of sadness, fear or pain. You can never read a baby’s brain, not even remember your own reasons when you were one. I am sure it wasn’t tears of happiness; it was cries of something far from happiness of course. The point is, we were crying. We are naturally sad. I know happiness can exist in few scenes or instants, but sadness owns the originality. I am just saying this to refrain from any of you thinking that solitary means being alone, sad, depressed and all of these annoying things “happy” people, or those who think they are happy, keep saying.

I am eighteen, and I have been through a lot, maybe more than what you have been through, and maybe less, that’s not the argument, I mean I have met many people, befriended many and felt way too many feelings toward each and every person I have known. I have always loved being alone, but not lonely. I have never been into solitary.

According to the dictionary: sol·i·tar·y (adj):  Existing, living, or going without others; alone.

Some of you might think it’s way too scary to be a loner, some think it could be sad (sometimes a solitary is a really sad person), others can think that it’s not possible and we need each other or so.

Here I am, standing up and speaking it out. As a person who has been always surrounded by people, who has been there for everyone, who has never left anyone behind and who has never turned my back to someone, I am saying it loud, it’s the best attitude a person can be at.

I could be young to come to this realization, but not young enough to die, not old enough to waste my life with people who don’t care and not anyone’s anybody to believe I shouldn’t be sad or solitary.

This attitude doesn’t mean that I am going to lock up myself inside four walls without any windows, it doesn’t mean that I will never communicate nor deal with, a little, people. I will. But I won’t. I won’t get too much involved nor attached, I won’t be by someone’s side all the time and  I won’t let anyone be by mine. I have a brain, 4 limbs and everything which shapes me as a human being, thus I know I can manage.

Months ago, I met some people who made my life quite better for a person who has been always sad. I actually felt happy and relieved, but (yes, after anything good always comes a ‘but’) (not a butt though. lol). But it had to end at some point. Not because they left or hurt me in a way or another, yes they did, but because they once made me feel the difference between happy and sad. When you feel a difference, you miss out the neutral feeling you once had about something, and that’s what happened.

I was okay with sadness, and I actually liked it, but once I felt happy and ended up with it being ripped off my life, it felt so much worse, especially because some other human being was behind it all. It baffles me how we are all humans, similar in everything, and yet we still have this huge effect on each other. It’s just weird. In conclusion, you will get hurt anyway, and people will always be nothing but a disappointment. They could be a temporary happiness or safety, but they must disappoint you at some point and you have to accept that, which can only happen if you are into the solitary state.

I have experienced a lot and I have learnt. I have changed for myself and people and I have tried everything I can possibly get to. I have never found anything better than inner peace, tranquility  and serenity which I have found in solitary. I have never felt loved better than me loving myself. I have never found any help better than the one I offered myself. I have never enjoyed music more than the ones I’ve discovered alone. Solitary won’t get me happiness, it won’t get me The One and it won’t get me the good little things. But it will spare me the pain and feeling down because of people. I can be sad, fine or alright, but at least I won’t be blaming myself for things I haven’t done. Thus, I have realized that it’s the best choice I can ever make, to be at solitary, at peace; where I don't harm nor get harmed.



(The post is supposed to be a rant, so I am sorry for the ideas are not sequenced nor reordered)